my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
