Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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