If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
