maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
