my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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