I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
