you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
