Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
