when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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