thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
