Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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