You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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