Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
