cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
