I just cut my nipple shaving
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
