He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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