I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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