Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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