the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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