I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
