Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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