When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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