Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Less talking, more tequila
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
