Say something about gay babies.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
