how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
