they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
