there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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