im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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