we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
