I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
