what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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