so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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