I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
