remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
