the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
