Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
