You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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