mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
...so i touched it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just sharted jello shots
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