Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
