He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
