hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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