can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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