saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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