i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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