In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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