it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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