What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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