I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
