can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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