Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
