My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well you can't waste a boner
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
