I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
