I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I need moral support for this bender
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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