She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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