WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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