How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
