How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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