Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
