just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
